Re: SHIKI snowdrops

John Bailey (john.bailey@btinternet.com)
Mon, 12 Jan 1998 23:19:52 +0000

At 23:15 10/01/98 +0100, Gerta wrote:
>
>Thank you, I'm glad you like it. Why would you drop the "and"; wouldn't that
>make it just three short statements ? I was walking against the wind with my
>head down and then I noticed the snowdrops; they are flowering much too
>early, it's very warm for January this year.
>
>--Gerla

Hi, Gerta -- it's nice to meet you.

As for the "and", I don't think you should drop it if it works for you. I
don't think that by doing so the poem would become three separate
statements - it's just that, to me, the haiku form and the
writer's/reader's knowledge of it join the lines together with something
stronger than a simple conjunction. If one requires a haiku to be a
complete, grammatically correct sentence then, of course, my view is
incorrect.

But, to demonstrate, I take the third sentence in your lovely note:

I was walking against the wind with my
head down and then I noticed the snowdrops;
they are flowering much too early,
it's very warm for January this year.

This could stand as a free-form poem, and stand very firmly in my view.

Trim it a little:

walking against the wind head down
I notice the snowdrops;
flowering much too early,
it's warm for January

and, because it's a poem, you don't miss the cement between the blocks.

Trim it a bit more:

head down in the wind
snowdrops flower early -
warm January

and you have a passable haiku? You'd probably want to trim it just a
little more, but I think I've gone on enough to show you what I mean.

FWMHOIW

John
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Bailey
Somerset, England
Website: <http://www.btinternet.com/~john.bailey>
Mirrored at: <http://members.tripod.com/~JohnBailey>
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